Violence, Trauma, and the Long Road Back

Last week, I went to an auto parts store with my dog to buy brake fluid—an ordinary errand on an ordinary day. But something terrible and unpredictable happened.

As I entered the store, a man—later identified as a 45-year-old gang member—deliberately shoulder-checked me so hard I saw flashes of light. Then he said, “You bumped into me, man.” Last thing I heard before I was further assaulted.

When I came to, blood was pouring from my face. My shoe was off, my dog had jumped from my parked car trying to get to me. The police, EMTs, witnesses, and bystanders were everywhere. I was still trying to make sense of what had happened—confused about who had been hurt—until I realized it was me.

Since then, my mind has circled through familiar but misleading questions:

What did I do? How did this happen? Did I somehow attract this?

These are the kinds of questions victims often ask themselves, because trauma scrambles your sense of control and meaning. But the truth is—sometimes violence is random, senseless, and says everything about the perpetrator, not the victim.

Many people instinctively push the experience to the back of their minds, but it rarely stays there quietly. It can show up later as anxiety, hyper-vigilance, or even self-blame. Shutting down is another common defense, but it can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself and others.

Moving Forward

Talking to a therapist like me who is an expert in this area and understands trauma—can help shed light on these reactions. Therapy can help you:

    •    Process the event so it doesn’t stay lodged in your nervous system

    •    Understand that what happened isn’t your fault or something you “attracted”

    •    Develop ways to feel safer in your body and your environment

    •    Begin integrating the experience without it defining you

I’m sharing this not just to tell my story, but because I know others have gone through sudden violence or trauma too. If that’s you—know that you’re not weak or broken for struggling with it. Healing takes time, care, and often, help from others who are trained to guide us through.

You don’t have to carry it alone or minimize it.